Well, I'm Back

I'm back. I need to write again. I hate that I only feel like I have to write when things are tough but I just can't talk about this with anyone else right now.

I'm trying to get pregnant again. And it's not working, again. Unfortunately, it's even putting the last attempt to shame. Last time it took eight months, frustrating at the time but really nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I should be getting my period tomorrow or the day after, marking the end of our twelfth month trying. After a lot of thinking (like statistically, what's the difference between eight months and twelve months, according to the doctors a lot) I went to my OB who was really great, and set me up with all of the tests I need to do this coming month. Monitoring my ovulation via ultrasound, as well as day 21 blood tests, and sperm test for my husband. She seems on top of things, and claims there is a lot she can do before we have to go to a fertility specialist. One can hope.

Anyway, of course I was hoping that we would just get pregnant this month and all of the referralls sitting in my drawer would be for security's sake. But it looks like we're going to have to use them afterall.

I'm upset. I feel so stupid for thinking that I would get pregnant easily this time. I feel stupid for making my husband wait so long before trying again (my daughter A is almost three) because I didn't want to risk having kids so close together. And now, I'm risking having them far apart as well as messing up our plans for my husband's sabbatical. I know that shouldn't matter at all, but it's hard to keep it from stressing me out.

So, here's to a next step that will hopefully help us, quickly and easily.