Another One about Hormones

I've been quiet about the TTC thing lately, mainly because my body has been completely fucking with me.

(By the way I have decided that this is now officially part of my blog and I am going to share the gory details, if you don't like this kind of stuff you may wait for the next post about cookies, otherwise you may now follow along.)

After a couple of cycles dissappointedly not getting pregnant I promised myself I wasn't going to even consider possibly being pregnant until I got the positive test, it was just too depressing. But then this month was a little different, and of course I got my hopes up.

First of all, E and I were not really trying in the true sense of the word to get pregnant this month because we were apart for most of the applicable part of my cycle. We had sex once before we were apart and this could have been from either one day before I ovulated up til five days or so before (my cycle length varies a couple of days). So really, we had very little chance of being pregnant, and this lack of chance made me feel better, like it was no big deal that nothing happened.

Then it all started.

While I was laying around at home by myself all of the pieces started falling together telling me that I was pregnant. The big difference this month though was that I really truly wasn't searching for signs, they really just fell in my lap, all by themselves. They were things I couldn't ignore.

First of all, at the beginning I felt nothing. Really a great feeling. I had one of those few periods in my life where for several days I didn't feel controlled by my hormones. Then my temperature jumped up again, much higher than it had ever been and stayed there consistently for the rest of the time. Then a couple of days ago I started cramping, but not like my period cramps at all. And unlike my period cramps, these cramps produced no spotting, none, whatsoever.

And finally, the number of days after ovulation without my period were staring me in the face. I usually get my period 13dpo and the day had come and my temp was still nice and high. Even fertility friend was screaming at me to go take a pregnancy test.

So, this morning I got up, took my temp which was a little lower but still well within my luteal phase temps, and took the test.

Completely negative, snow white, not even a chance.

My first reaction was complete disbelief. Then once I realized I really wasn't pregnant, my next thought was real worry. Maybe my luteal phase wasn't consistent? All I know is that's not a good thing and probably involves doctors.

Then the more I thought about it I realized I probably just ovulated later than I thought because my temperatures that I measured at the most important time of my cycle (i.e. the ones that would tell me when I ovulated) were completely unreliable. Even fertility friend was a little skeptical about my ovulation date. So all I really do know is that I ovulated. When I did, is anybody's guess.

Sucks, but it validates what I knew from the beginning. That we didn't have sex close enough to when I ovulated, and we really didn't have a chance. When it comes down to it, that's really the best option of all of the possible scenarios (well, except for being pregnant) here.

Once I get my period we'll know what's really going on. Considering my temp went down today a bit, my guess is I should get my period in a day or two. Fun, fun.

Cycle four down, bring on the next one.