Tuesday, August 30, 2011

1dp3dt

FET#2. I really can't believe I am here, but it is what it is. Yesterday we transferred one embryo. The second one didn't survive the thaw. The doctor said it was very unusual and meant something wasn't right with the embryo to begin with. I'm happy that my risk for twins was removed, but I'm still sad, that's one less chance for getting pregnant. I'm really scared I used up all of my good implantation vibes on the past two cycles and that this embryo won't even get a chance. I know it doesn't work this way but I'm scared. I'm scared because it means that if this doesn't work IVF#2 is looming around the corner. Now I just wait.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Nitty Gritty

I don't think I've written much about this before, but I think it's always interesting to talk about all of the nitty gritty logistics that you have to deal with in order to go through fertility treatments. I've been lucky enough to fall into a routine in the past year or so, so I haven't thought much about it, but lately my local clinic where I do all of my monitoring (but not where my doctor is) has been doing a bunch of shuffling around, plus my extremely upsetting experience in America has brought it to the forefront of my mind. This is nothing earthshattering, just lots of new food for thought.

My usual routine is to go to my health insurance's clinic closest to my house for monitoring. Much less stressful than driving 45 minutes every time to Jerusalem (especially since I work from home a lot), plus I couldn't count on getting to the Jerusalem clinic in time for monitoring hours (7:30-8:30) if the earliest I can drop my daughter off at nursery school is 7 and then the traffic in the city is horrendous. So, local clinic it was, very simple I would fax my ultrasound results to the Jerusalem clinic nurses (they would check my blood results via computer) they would talk to the doctor and get back to me. Then when I moved on to IVF my doctor gave me his cell phone number, and every day I would check my blood results online and call him myself with the results. It all worked pretty smoothly.

Here's the catch, my local clinic is not one of the huge ones. I would have to get there for bloodwork by 7:45am in order to get same day results (they call them "urgent" tests), but then they couldn't get an u/s technician to come in until 8:30am! Most big clinics have the u/s start at 7:30 to coincide with the lab times. I've been using this clinic for over a year, and in this time I've discussed the issue with the secretaries as well as other patients and they always say that the issue has been brought up, letters have been written, calls have been made, but they can't get any technician to come earlier than 8:30. So I had resigned myself to this situation and sucked it up since at the end of the day it worked and only wasted 45 minutes of my day.

Lately, my health fund has done some reorganizing and moved the "womens' health center" a couple of streets away. They were smart enough to realize that all the women coming for the morning ultrasounds needed the lab as well so they kept the fertility ultrasounds at the old clinic, and miracle of miracles (after a little prodding of the new secretary) they were able to get a tech to start coming at 7:30. Hallelujah! Now the catch to this (why is there always a catch?) is they took the good u/s machine to the new clinic, we get the old crappy one, plus we used to have an awesome tech who really knew her stuff. The new tech is really young (she was training for a while with the old tech), but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, she seems pretty good so far. The appointments just take longer now because the u/s machine is a bit of a dinosaur. It's never easy.

Plus, to add on to all of that, my blood tests which used to be no problem are starting to become a problem. When you need 2+ blood tests a week you don't want them to have trouble finding veins, and my veins are never easy, but for the past year or so the lab techs haven't had much trouble getting a vein. Well, a year of treatments, plus a 6 week pregnancy, seem to have packed on enough extra weight that my veins have disappeared again. Now, that's a serious reason to go on a diet. Oy.

Ok, one more question. When I went for my u/s in America, she made me put the u/s probe in myself! She said "put it in like a tampon". Now, I don't know about you, but this embarrassed me a hell of a lot more then when the tech just does it herself because it implies that there is something to be embarrassed about. Is it a liability? So that people don't think they are being violated? I mean isn't it implied that when a doctor does something it is necessary? You don't give yourself a pap smear? I found the whole thing very weird and offensive. Whatever, just wanted to bring that up.

The conclusion to this is that I had a scan this morning, lining is 7.5, one follicle of 13mm and one of 11mm on my right side. And I am blissfully coasting on my own self produced hormones for the first time in a while. My guess (from my 3 natural IUIs) is that I'll ovulate on Wednesday or Thursday, meaning transfer on Friday or Saturday? My hospital does Friday transfers but not Saturday transfers, so maybe my doctor will trigger me for timing purposes? I don't know. I trust my doctor blindly, which is nice for my anxiety, so it's up to him. Maybe I'll hold out until Sunday. I'm praying so hard for these last two embryos. I think they are ok quality, not awful but not as good as the previous ones, and we saw how well those all turned out.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

What Has Happened...

I don't even know where to start this post. Unfortunately, the way I blog is usually backward in time. I miscarried last week, at week 6. Technically it was another chemical pregnancy because it was never confirmed by ultrasound, but a chemical pregnancy at 16dp3dt is a hell of a lot different from a "chemical pregnancy" that lasts until the middle of the 5th week. My guess is that if I had been in Israel with my normal health care I would have been able to spot the decline in the pregnancy earlier but being in America visiting my family put me in a very awkward situation. My RE says that there was nothing I could have done differently, but I still feel that somehow maybe the pregnancy would have survived if I hadn't put so much stress on my body so early on. Logically I know how ridiculous that is, I am a firm believer in that pregnancies are built to survive in a body going about it's daily business and that if it was going to stick it would have stuck.

It all started when I stepped off the airplane went to insert my progesterone (traveling alone with a three and a half year old is not conducive to progesterone insertion) and saw spotting. The first spotting I had had the whole cycle. I tried to stay calm, but I continued spotting the whole next week and a half until my period started in earnest and I was finally able to get an ultrasound the same day. I was a mess the whole time. I emailed with my doctor who at first said that it could be normal, then thought I should get an ultrasound to rule out an ectopic before I got on the airplane. Unfortunately I was right, my period started and the ultrasound showed no pregnancy whatsoever. Where the pregnancy went is beyond me. I had felt pregnant until about a day before my period started, and I had high betas so it couldn't have been in my imagination. Plus, my period was heavy and long, lots of clots and cramps. Not my usual period.

So, it's over. I don't know what to do next time. Even if I get good betas I'm not going to feel pregnant until my first ultrasound. How am I going to know if it is for real or not? I guess next time I'll be able to run some bloodwork if I need, but I'm just getting more and more traumatized by this experience. I have two more embryos frozen, I really hope that's all it will take for us. Right now I'm having a natural cycle, if everything goes smoothly we might transfer this cycle without any meds (at least until luteal phase). Though I did go in for monitoring this morning and there was a small cyst outside my left ovary. The technician didn't seem too concerned, we'll see what my doctor thinks.